Integrative Counseling for Adults and Adolescents in Portland, Oregon

From self criticism to self compassion

You know that you’re hard on yourself.

Maybe too hard.

Does this sound familiar?

The voice in your head is mean to you. No matter what you achieve, it is never enough. There is always some nagging detail that you did not execute perfectly and that detail renders anything good that you have done nil. You feel like something is wrong with you and everyone around you can tell.

Perhaps the mean voice in your head is relentless, perhaps it lies dormant most of the time and rears up in specific situations, or comes up randomly and catches you off guard.

Whatever the context, this voice inhibits you, holds you back or even paralyzes you. It saps your energy and hinders your ability to be present. You have tried to argue with this voice, work around it, and placate it, but it keeps coming back, and you realize that you could use some help.

It is not about just trying harder. You are already trying as hard as you can. You need support.

I specialize in helping people to temper their self criticism and balance it with self compassion.

Because everyone is unique, we will go into our work together with curiosity as to what has shaped your own internal dialogue and how it is woven together with your behavior. We’ll acknowledge and examine how power imbalances in our society have affected your internal and external experiences. We will work on using cognitive behavioral tools to identify, challenge and replace unhelpful thinking patterns. We’ll use acceptance and commitment therapy to build your cognitive flexibility. We’ll use mindfulness skills to promote relaxation and help you get out of your own head. We may use art therapy or psychodynamic exploration to assist in disrupting a stagnant inner narrative, and providing a clear mirror.

I’m here to help you to:

Develop healthier boundaries
Increase confidence in your decision making
Accept yourself intrinsically
Embrace your complexity
Improve communication with others
Allow yourself more balance in life
Improve cognitive flexibility
Reduce irritability
Connect more in your relationships
Become more receptive to kindness

FAQS

What others have wondered about practicing self compassion:

A: You have been thinking in one way for how ever many years you’ve been alive. You’ve carved a deep groove in your brain with these thinking habits. You’re not going to just practice a different thought one time and completely transform. The good news is that it isn’t going to take the same amount of years that you’ve been alive already to carve a new neuropathway and develop new thinking habits. Be patient with yourself, show up for your sessions, and eventually you’ll notice that the inner critic, while still there, isn’t dominating every thought.
A: No. For starters, we’re not getting rid of all self criticism. Some self criticism can be valuable. It’s the excessive self criticism that we’re targeting. Furthermore, believe it or not, some narcissism is good. A person can have narcissism without being a narcissist. Love and respect are not limited resources. You can treat yourself with love and respect, and still have plenty (if not more) love and respect to give to others.
A: Absolutely. Just being able to verbalize your feelings, thoughts and concerns in the safe container of therapy will help you to communicate more effectively, define your boundaries, and heal past wounds so that you may approach current relationships with greater clarity. If you think that you would benefit from couples counseling in addition to your own work I can refer you.

More questions? Check out my FAQs page.